You looked me in the eye And said you loved And I guess what I saw In your eyes was nothing But just the truth.
In just a span of a year We weaved dreams of our own Of building our fantasy into reality And I guess all I did Was just believe that Your eyes could never lie.
But soon all of the sunshine You showed my eyes Were drifted away By rain and hail And amidst the snow clad meadows I search but you And the dreams you’d shown Are out of sight.
I won’t lie, but yes I do miss you, I miss you on days When the rain strikes on our bedroom window And the wind threatens to break open the glass, You running into the room Barefoot, in your boxers Steaming cups of ginger tea and plateful of pakoras In your hand, And we both would watch the rain Through the night, till the morning. On days when the snow sticks to the ground But in our icy cold indoors We would both be warm Huddled in each other’s embrace. When the bright yellow flowerets Of Amaltus, festoons our balcony, You plucking a few for the vase on my table.
But then again I’m reminded Of those rainy days When the water sprayed on our bedroom floor For you weren’t there to lock the window, The cold on the side of your bed Colder than our frozen indoors The branches of the Amaltus tree You chopped off for they Ceased to bloom, Not any more, All of this because you didn’t want to be home, All because of my barren womb.
You toasted the day we tied our wedlock Over a glass of sparkling, golden champagne. With our lips glazed with the wine It’s lavish taste lingering in our mouths We began our forever with a champagne kiss: ‘to the love that shall always thrive’
But the taste of this sweet wine wears off, Easy as its intoxication The bubbles rise And fall to an abrupt plop With just the remnants of its taste Dawdling in my lips ‘to the love that shall always thrive’
By the time you find my note/ Half of your wardrobe would be empty/ One pretzel less in the jar/ Half of the flowers in the vase withered/ The photoframe that captured our seraphic smiles absent from the coffee table/The dishes in the sink all done/ The bed made and all of my strewn poems on the floor tidied/ You wouldn’t find the birds in the cage/ And the hamsters would’ve run away/ All of the curtains in my room changed to your favorite blue. But don’t worry your room is still a safe haven / Your files all stacked up/ Your guitar sits on the club chair by the window where you write songs for her / And the wrist watch I gifted you on your birthday locked up in your secret drawer. Like all of the halves I’ve taken with me, I’m taking just half of my heart/ And none of my love for you/ It’s yours/ And it shall stay with you/ Even if we’re continents apart.
I found this Polaroid of me and Nani Sitting with a huge tub of ice cream Probably from one of my birthdays, Mom took it with the first camera that daddy bought, Back then cameras had reels That had to be developed into positives and negatives. . . My birthday was in the summer month of July Ice cream was an inevitable part of the birthday party menu, Hence, daddy would bring a generous amount of ice cream Mango and strawberry flavors for the guests And for a chocolate fanatic like me, hazelnut and chocolate chips. . . In the photograph I sat on our sofa with a chocolate smeared face, my royal ice cream tub half empty Nani sat alongside, smiling as she held a spoonful Me gazing at the tub, she staring into the camera I wonder if she ate that scoop for the Nani from older days that I recall had sensitivity and would eat ice cream only after it melted.
Along with that Polaroid I found an album full of pictures On my birthday, Nani would make a point to visit us, twice on that day With her arthralgia joints and aching back she would walk up to the first floor In the morning to wish me “Haphy Birthday” (you read it right, that is how she would pronounce, and the fact that I found amusement in her pronunciation was another form of joy for her) And to offer Puja. In the evening to join the family dinner. There were pictures of all of those captured moments, Her offering the Aarti, feeding me a slice of cake. . . Those albums were like hidden treasures and those memories like unread letters, waiting to be found At the right moment. . . We never thought of them, for years until today, Now that Nani is no more, it is only these memories that I can reply, There is hardly a month left for my birthday, this year, a lonesome affair it will be, But I guess I’ll open a few of those unread letters.
We are the perfectly weird couple, The magical reality of my teenage dreams, Dancing in the rain, eating cotton candies on Ferris wheel, Kissing each other in the middle of a fight, Laughing like idiots on our wedding night, In all of these madness, we’re partners in crime, In all of these madness, our love comes alive.
My soul won’t rest Until all of her scars heal As she teaches herself to forgive Of the flaws she ever had. My soul won’t rest Until she learns to love Herself like the way You never did.
Death by chocolate ice cream Mac and cheese with extra cheese Cup of cocoa with marshmallows Pakore with pudine ki chutney on rainy days. Sleeping on mumma’s lap Long drives with dad Grandma’s milk tea served with stories Late night girl talk with sis. Hugs from behind Star gazing under the moonlight Little love notes stuck on the fridge Candlelight dinners in our balcony. Rerunning Big Bang Theory at day And Friends at night, Laughter over his jokes, so silly No projects or assignments in sight for a week. Sunsets by the beach Candyfloss and teddies Songs by Beatles on repeat Reading books and poetry to my pet. A month without the surprise of pimples The body con red dress that fits me perfect Varied colors of nail paints That moment in front of the mirror, When everything in life seems perfect. All of these Can buy me happiness, Not for the entire life But for a while. .
1.) To pen down his autobiography And tell all of the people The story of his life, To read all of Shakespeare’s masterpieces To work in a Broadway Learn all of the languages he could only learn half The guitar he could never learn to play. 2.) To go on a trip All by himself The Seven Wonders, The Northern Lights The floral wave of Cherry Blossoms To hear his voice echo in the Grand Canyon The Galapagos Islands he only heard of Walk through the ruins of Pompeii All of which he wanted to see. 3.) To be together with his wife To shower her with all of his love And to his family give all of his time. He longed to see his mother And talk to his brother Of the house he could never build. 4.) He was reminded of all the times With his father, he had answered back And never said sorry. Of all the apologies he thought of But never made, Of all his love He never proclaimed. 5.) He craved his mother’s bitter gourd sabji The one which he never ate, Even thought his mom would say “beta it’s good for health “ And for once at last He wished to get high With no worries. 6.) Meet up with at least one of his friends And talk to the one He had never talked with since his farewell. He wished to make amends And die a man people remembered, A man who had died But wasn’t dead. 7.) To love himself For being the man he was And be happy with the life he lived Of the times he stumbled But didn’t let him fall. 8.) As his clock started off In reverse circles Fifty years of His life fell short, He wanted more of his life He wanted more of his time He wanted not to die. .
They have always said: "No matter what comes about, listen to your heart. Let your heart speak". But is it so easy to do so...? Is our heart always happy? What does it actually say and what do we do?